"Ah, so what? He's going to die sooner or later!"
"Erm, statistically speaking, you're wrong. He has a 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000001% chance of living forever."
"Yeah. Right. So you're going to live forever?"
"Me? Well, I'm going to live forever or die trying."
=)
Well, today's a cold cold day. As exemplified by my friend whose nick is cccccolddddd
Yeah.
And so, since my mind is on brainfreeze, (as are my fingers, except that they are on fingerfreeze), let me share with you some stories with more substance than the previous posts.
Firstly, heard of the phrase that "the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts"? Mathematically, if a, b and c are the parts, a+b+c > a+b+c.
Yup, math. Very substanceful indeed!
And secondly, a picture of me was taken. A picture that was used to apply for the Working With Children thing. A picture that looks like I'm some ex-convict with a grudge against the world. The kind whose idea of "hello" is "what's your problem, punk?"
No wonder kids just gurgle with delight when they see me.
Mmhmm.
Well, this could be the 3rd or the 1st.
Depending on what you want as a reaction. "3rd strike, you're out!" and all that, you know?
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Unless you scroll from up to down, which makes this the only warning you'll get.
Actually even if you scroll from bottom to top I guess this is STILL the only warning you'll get.
Oh well. Just consider this the "fine print" section then. =p
Cold temperature can slow growth rates but not to any clinically significant degree (pun intended).
BRR! Can you believe it? This was on a medical page! Doctors really still retain a shred of humour! Well, I guess they do have their own versions of humors, as do everyone else. Like this kind of humor, and that kind of humor. Even so, you'd wonder why not everybody is not doubly humerous..
I think I'm steering too far off. Somebody care to give me a hand? (Don't mind that I've already got 2 of my own)
Health practice is really abbreviated as GG, not HP as they want you to believe. Seriously, who would name a course after the handphone? That sounds too much like some course offered to noobs at a university set up by Nokia or Sony Ericsson or whichever mobile phone maker rocks your boat.
It does sound better than Handphones 101: The Idiots' Guide to Modern Technology.
But anyway, since I'm so kind, I'll just give GG the boot and kindly ask it to go take a hike.
Nope, it's not saying that you should be a total bimbo and get famous for appearing in your very own "home video"!
It just means that if you have a really bad shoulder muscle pain, dislocate it hard enough to sever the axillary nerve. Hey, no pain no gain!
Incidentally there are at least 2 Paris Hiltons! I'm not kidding! Go on, take a look! [Don't worry, nothing "home video" here =p]
Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton
PS. This is meant as a joke. Self-mutilation is considered criminal in most countries, and mostly regarded as "wrong" practically everywhere else. Please, don't be an idiot!
Shorts:
1. Short film or story
2. Apparel you wear over the lower limbs as a sign of modesty, protection against the elements, or just because
3 bimbos were at the local shopping centre one day and walked past a bedding store.
As if on cue, all 3 look at each other and scream hysterically, "Pillow fight!"
When 2 bone warriors from rival gangs just happened to pop into the same bar to have a pint, guess what happened?
Osteophyte!
Enraged, Bone Man [Boner just sounds ... wrong] screamed at the thief, "Justice will prevail criminal! Take this! Osteoblast!"
One day, a surfer happened upon a blog entry. Not in the ocean, but in the electronic ocean of 1s and 0s. After reading it, the cybersurfer was hyperventilating with reliable witness reports stating that sentences like "What??" and "Rubbish!" were heard. Advanced digital non-analogue techniques revealed part of the entry (reproduced below:)
Everybody has a reaction to shorts. Either they liked it a lot, hated it or just didn't care since the short was either lame, nonsensical, unrelated, uncomfortable, looked idiotic or caused a wedgie. But, there is universal agreement that nobody likes a person with a short fuse, especially if the fuse leads to something interesting like black bowling balls or red sticks. Except perhaps for the person who lit the fuse in the first place.
There is something else too.
Something that...
...at the moment escapes my memory's feeble clutches.
Goodbye, we'll miss you something else.
Ducky must think I'm pretty free to do this. That studies aren't weighing down on me. That I've some free time to splurge on this thing.
Well I guess he's right since here it is!
The Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
4. Comment on it.
5. Tag 5 people.
Well, since I don't have a music player (a physical one that I use regularly), does Winamp count? The one that is currently playing like just one album. Wahahas!
Maybe not.
So here goes, library on..sh..shu..[loading please wait]...shuff...[loading]..shuff..[I SAID PLEASE WAIT]... ... ... ...[complete!] ... shuffle!
1) How are you feeling today?
There She Goes - Sixpence None the Richer
Well, if by "she" it means "the exam", then yeah. There she goes.
Whether up or down only time (and God, and the examiners) will tell.
2) Will you get far in life?
Redefine - Incubus
Haha, yeah. Please redefine the question! =p
3) What's your best friend's theme song?
Words - Beyonce
Hmm, since when did this thing appear on my computer? I don't even know how it sounds like! Oh well, there's my best friend's grand entrance for you folks..
4) What is the story of your life?
听海 - 张惠妹
[How does this go again?]
Hmm, now that I've found the lyrics >.<>
5) What was high school like?
Redefine - Incubus
Eh, my library is not that small leh! LOLZ! Well it did redefine my goals in life.
6) How can you get ahead with life?
Words - Boyzone
Yeah, words are important. That's why they teach Effective Communication Skills and the Theory of Communication in school. (Don't forget the CAPITAL LETTERS!) And yes, that's why there is the saying that more than half the population of India is comprised of lawmakers and lawyers.
7) What's the best thing about your friends?
Ji Ba Pan - Unknown
Wahaha! This is classic. Yes, it's good to have friends who have ji ba pan ($1 million)! Buy a plane, tour the world and jiak spaghetti! =D
8) Describe your grandparents.
The Cage - Travis
Hmm. They don't really cage anybody. Nor are they caged (what, you think they're lions?). Maybe they did some time in the cage? You know, like the Mixed Martial Arts cage fights! That would be like way cool! (Except that MMA didn't really come about till the past decade or so :S).
9) How's your life going?
Truth No.2 - Dixie Chicks
Truthfully? My life is going ahead like a number 2. Go figure.
10) What will be played at my funeral?
IMF Goodie Bag - Mrbrownshow
Hmm. Sweet!
11) Will you have a happy life?
Fascinating Rhythm - Jamie Cullum
Yup, I'll live the proverbial happily ever after if only I could tap into the supranormal and find my fascinating rhythm. Anyone got an extra Pick of Destiny?
12) What do your friends really think of you?
Fly Away - Lenny Kravitz
Oh ho! So that's what they really think! Maybe I should get a job as Santa. Or his helper. You know, the one who goes "I know who's been naughty and who's been nice."
13) Do people secretly lust after you?
Respect - Train
Hmmm, secretly, respectfully lust after me? No wonder I havn't been like jumped on and [censored] and [censored] and [censored] like a jackrabbit. I suppose I should just picture these respectfully lustful people as really, really distastefully, abominably, pukingly ugly and be thankful.
14) How can you make yourself happy?
Death of a Martian - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Well. Find me a Martian and I'll willingly do the autopsy!
15) Will you ever have children?
Waterfalls - TLC
This. Is. Different? Hahas. It even beats Jay Chou's song where he goes "The rain falls the whole night//My love juice comes out like rain"! We are talking of torrents of waterfalls man! At least I'll be that much closer to having children compared to some poor British folk.
16) What song would you strip to?
不懂 - 林俊杰
Hehe, yup that's right. I wouldn't know! (不懂 = don't know)
17) What does your mom think of you?
Your Heart Is Safe With Me - LFO
Wow, thanks!
18) What is your deep, dark secret?
Taxi (Ave Maria) - John Murphy
YES! I confess, I confess! I sing Ave Maria really piously while driving a cab (as my secret part-time job) with zombies running after me in a rage!
19) What is your enemy's theme song?
Key To My Life - Boyzone
Hmm. I guess it's like Judas' gospel. Without me, there is no enemy! LOL!
20) What's your personality like?
God Knows the Way - Don Moen
Not exactly there yet in terms of actions but yeah, God knows the way.
21) What will be played at your wedding?
Wish I Could - Lene Marlin
Wish I could? Do what? Proceed onto honeymoon now? Live happily ever after? Not pay for the wedding expenses?
Well, here's the part where I tag people. But since I'm the kind of person who's opposed to spam, chain mails and all that, I tag the first 5 people who read this. You know who you are!
PS. Don't forget, I know who's been naughty and who's been nice! =p
PPS. Not all resistance is futile. In fact, resistance is diagnostic in some cases.
So the dog is Man's best friend.
Is the polyglot Woman's best friend? Or does that honour go to lumps of carbon?
Good thing I'm not obese. This sort of stress could trigger Gaisböck polycythemia.
On another note, there's just so many variants of BLATANT spam to "pleasure her all night" or "be a man". And that's not the "do the right thing" sort!
I mean, come on! Whoever in their right mind sends you an email that says "Hey [insert entire email username here] enlarge your man-thing/scare her with your enormous shlong"?! Ok, if your email was something like thecoolestguyintheworld@whatevermail.com you might get a kick out of it the first few times [you egoist!] but if it's ramos79@everydaymail.com it just sounds silly.
Downright silly.
That'd be like shooting off a mail to Bill Gates with a subject that screams "Hey BillGates55". Hardly the sort of thing a business proposal needs.
BUT!
But I like the way the try to jumble up the letters of the words.
Viagra
Ivagra
Vagira
Vigaar
Giavra
Wow! 600 different combinations to play around with (and look silly doing it!)
Way cool =)
EDIT: Now there's this new one! "Get a [professional-sized] pecker!"
Oh my goodness! Hahas! So do they come in sizes? Professionally large pecker, professionally small pecker, wood pecker..
Just wondering, do they come packaged and are batteries included? =p
You know the wonderful feeling you get when you're mountain climbing? Yes, that lovely feeling that no worries, it's all good.
Unfortunately that's not really what's happening if you happen to be at 12,000 feet above sea level. That's more like the hypoxia-induced euphoria that precedes another unfortunate clinical syndrome - death.
Or if you're a perverted idiot that's the hypoxia-induced euphoria you get before you strangle yourself to death.
Not much different really, just a change in scenery. You know, the usual stuff, like "Nature" scenery followed by a really bleak white cold nothingness and then the afterlife in the first compared to "Whereever you plan on strangling yourself" and "horned demons" and "plenty of everlasting suffering" scenery in the latter.
And yes, just another random thing - reminds me of what a friend put on his msn nick - "Are you hot...as ice?"
What a clever oxymoron.
Do you know something?
Actually, it's about somebody in your life.
To be more precise, it's about the person who gave birth to you.
You see, that person, the one who gave birth to you, she's your mother.
It's the truth!
There was a tombstone at the cemetery, and on it was carved a most sorrowful poem about how much the husband missed his late wife. In it, he promised to wait for her, no matter how long or how hard it would be.
However, on right of the tombstone was the husband's grave. On it too, was a tombstone.
It was dated one year after the wife's date of death.
Isn't it ironic the stuff that helps in reproduction (more specifically the thing that causes things to rise to the occasion) is also the same thing that might kill you?
Or maybe it's not that ironic after all.
"Hey Loiuse, what were you discussing about with him just now?" asked Kebob.
"Oh, we were just talking about some world politics and the mindlessness of the MAD policy," replied Loiuse.
"MAD? What's that?"
"That's just an acronym for mutually assured destruction. It's a nuclear deterrent policy, where both sides have nuclear warheads pointed on all the important areas and structures of the opposite side. In case one side decides to be rash about it and starts launching it's nukes, the other side would retaliate with equally lethal power. Basically it relies on the premise that each side wouldn't want a nuclear wasteland as their backyard."
"That's mad!"
"Sheesh, Kebob! Of course it's MAD! What do you think I was blabbering about, Macs?"
"Geez, Louise! No need to get all fired up over it."
